Vital Signs And Coping Skills

Pictures from the sky

2009-08-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

Now that I've started working I'm getting the feeling that my traveling adventures are coming to a close.

Yes, those days where I would spend only a month or so in one place till I was on a plane again going somewhere else. It was actually pretty fun, and I can't say I'm not going to miss it.

There's some advantages to staying in one place though. A paycheck for instance, as well as the familiarity of streets so you're not constantly lost, making friends instead of just acquaintances, and possibly being around to take some college classes.

Okay maybe they're not advantages, maybe they're just normal boring everyday life sort of things. But after years of moving from place to place and then the last 6 months of not having a permanent address I don't mind a little bit of everyday life. I don't mind making a commitment to be somewhere to do something because I'm absolutely positive I'll be within state lines and therefore available.

Don't worry, I plan on being independently walthy one day and then.. THEN, I will travel everywhere and have 6 different houses and take many many more pictures from the sky.

Till then, these are from the last few trips back and forth.

Over Washington DC.

I had a 2 hour layover & accidentally exited my terminal..
Ending up outside & incredibly tempted to forget my connecting flight..
Just to wander the city for a bit.
My slightly more humorous pictures will be up a bit later.
And as for more ankles?
You'll have those as well.

Hells yeah.

2009-06-30T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm super excited about getting on a plane tomorrow
Just hanging out with friends & family for the next two weeks.

So much is going to happen.
So I leave you with this.
Take the vibe, go with it, chill, stand up for yourself
&&

Fathers Day

2009-06-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

It’s sad to see these posts, where people’s dad’s are shit and they don’t get along and people just hate their dad’s. It’s a shit place to be.

I had to go through a lot to see where my dad was coming from, and there was years worth of epic fights mixed in through the early and mid teen years. I still haven’t come up with a way to express how much I love and appreciate him without getting too personal so I figure what the hell?

My dad worked a lot when I was a kid, he wasn’t around much because his job was so demanding, we moved around from house to house, sometimes staying in the general area and just changing homes to moving across the country to give something else a different try. There were summer road trips where there was a lot of my dad turning around in his seat while driving and telling all of us if we didn’t stop fighting and leave our hands off of each other he was going to pull the car over and then how would we like that? (Doesn’t EVERY family have road trips like that though?)

I kind of laugh at them now because we would get him so frustrated he’d have to stop and step out of the car so he wouldn’t yell at us. Even now when I go home to visit there’s that little bit of tension I see in him when the kids get into an argument or me and my sister stay up really late being loud. (Usually though, it’s him in our doorway with this look that could kill asking us WHY we weren’t going to bed because it’s 4AM and we woke him up. Complete with crazy hair that we laugh at as soon as he leaves.)

I didn’t ask for his genetics but I got them, complete with depression, migraines, anorexia and green eyes. Basically through everything my dad was there. Even when my mom was sick of dealing with me and we were fighting and not able to agree on anything. Even when I wanted to leave home and I hated everything about life. My dad drove me to my 3 times a week doctor visits, made me meals and sat through them with me, talked with my therapists and doctors and nutritionists. He was a bit of a hard act to follow because around my mom and the younger kids he kept an appearance of having strict standards but when we got in the car to make the hour drive to the doctors we’d talk about anything under the sun and listen to all sorts of ungodly rock music. I got filled in on the trivia of 70’s music and stories about his childhood.

My dad’s a hard worker, he’s a handy man, he knows how to fix things and build walls and remodels homes and he never half asses things. He know how to have fun and make people laugh, he know how to have a serious conversation and just listen when you need to talk. He knows how not to judge when you come to him with a problem and how to tease so badly he earns a punch to the shoulder that makes just makes him laugh. He knows how to cook and hell show you how, he knows how to play guitar and he’ll show you how, he knows how to change his computer password to a series of mysterious numbers that isnt his social security number and haha, good fucking luck trying to guess it. He knows how to keep a secret, he knows all the cool bands and the even cooler movies. He’s just cool.

Over the years the strictness of my parents has worn down a lot. They still have expectations for their kids, but it’s gone from being specific to being happy and healthy well adjusted kids. They’ve gone from having strict standards to “we’ll love you no matter what.” and for their adult kids they have an open door policy that my dad never fails to remind me of. How no matter what happens, if I ever need a break or need a place to go I can always go back home just to figure stuff out. I can always go home and they’ll always love me.

When I was 15 he took me to my first concert and accompanied me to the pit where he stayed through the whole first set. (No doubt I would’ve died without him there. Just gotten smashed, for real.) He taught me how to drive and gave me the spare key to his jeep.

Just him being him made me be a better person because I didn’t want to disappoint him. He knows what’s up and what’s hip and yeah, it can be a bit embarrassing sometimes but I have a dad that my friends love to be around just as much as I do. I was never one of those kids who made my dad drop me off a block before the mall because it was uncool to be seen with your parents. Fuck that, no. My dad was way cooler than all these kids who apparently decided what was cool or not.

My dad is just over all the worlds greatest guy, he takes care of people, he does what’s right but he’s still really fun. He doesn’t bullshit with you at all, if he asks a question he wants a straight answer and if you ask a question he’ll give you the absolute truth. He checks in just a bit here and there to make sure I’m okay, eating enough, staying healthy, getting sleep, being happy, to tell me he’s proud of me for how far I’ve come, tell me he’s proud of me for doing well in a job interview, tell me I should call my little sister because she’s freaking out and my mom can’t deal with her right then. :D

If I ever have a question I go to my dad, if something needs fixing I call my dad. He’s the ultimate guy, the ultimate dad. I love him. I hope that if you’ve got a shit dad that one day he’ll straighten up and love you for you, or if your dad is distant that you’ll gain a closer relationship with him. And I hope that if your dad is awesome and you’re just not realizing it that you’ll put your teen drama aside long enough to appreciate him. It’s the best thing in the world. Happy Fathers Day.

Why we do the things we do...

2009-06-11T23:06:00.000-07:00

"You have endless ways you can commit suicide without dying dying." - Chuck Palahniuk

Is that why we smoke?
Or are we unable to grasp that we are, in fact, killing ourselves?
Pretty sure that's some sort of complex.
A psychological sort of invincibility.
A satisfying one?

Questions, questions.

Texas: At The Races...

2009-05-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

I had never been to the Houston Race Track before this last week. I have to say it was quite the experience... and also, did you know that you can't bet on horses (aka gamble.) before you're 21?
That's something that I was disappointed to learn.

All the horses are named with skill though. I was quite impressed and took note for when I have other pet. No matter what it may be it deserves a kick ass name...

November The Wonder Horse is still my favorite kick ass name..

Oh how I've missed you...

2009-05-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made a late night visit to Waffle House...
I can't remember the last time I was able to sit somewhere and down 2 or 3 cups of coffee as fast as they can refill them.

So what if it's not Starbucks?
It's got cream, sugar, and caffeine.
Good enough for me.

By the first sip of the second mug I was already getting a little buzz. This was some good shit...and paired with a side of pickles?
Awesome.

With the buzz sort of comes a high.
Maybe it's like pot, or drugs, or some really good alcohol...
(I'm a pretty substance free kind of person so I wouldn't really know.) But I get this sort of ambition/take on the world sort of feeling.
It's fucking amazing.

On caffeine I'm all of a sudden hyped to be alive.
I make plans, laugh, and want to turn cartwheels.

Yeah, I get some weird looks.
But I don't mind.

Life is just good.
Drink some coffee..

Special day...

2009-05-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

I miss my mom..

I have an incredible mother.
She's truly the most amazing woman I know and will ever know.
Somehow she dealt with me as an angsty, stupid, selfish teenager...
Somehow she still loves me even after everything I put her through...

She's patient, forgiving, loving, understanding, intelligent, gorgeous and selfless.
She has a great sense of humor and is forever urging me to be optimistic.

My mom is the best, she's someone you can hang out with and talk to for hours but she'll also put you in your place when you're out of line. She loves me and my family unconditionally and I know that I would be nowhere without her.

Happy Mothers Day..
Don't take her for granted.

Remember this...

2009-05-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

If I am ever murdered or kill myself, so help you God, leave my LiveJournal alone.

Recent news story on the girl I plan on never being.

The news story actually got me to thinking...

If I was to be quoted, remembered by, categorized and written about all based on my LiveJournal what would my biography look like? (What would yours?)

Random and sporadic Emery once wrote "I'm going to marry Gabe Saporta, because, obviously, he is sex."

She wrote often about her family and the disappointment she felt in herself for leading a 'normal life' - A life she forced herself to lead because her dreams of being a writer/musician and/or Cobra Starship backup dancer were thought to be impractical.

A life taken too soon, proof that dreams really don't come true."

(Sorry for the recent blog neglect. I've been in a transitory place and often find myself with nothing that significant on my mind. Not that this counts as significant, but I thought it was time.)

EDIT: In no way do I support or condone murder and suicide or mean any disrespect to the young Connecticutian's memory.
Rest In Peace, and in the next life, maybe keep your journal as Friends Only?

Latest Purchase: Vinyl

2009-04-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

So my latest purchase was by far one of my favorites.

My parents bought me a record player for my 19th birthday and ever since then I've been slowly but surely building up my record collection.

There's a little bit of Johnny Cash, the sound track to Godspell, an insanely cool Sesame Street's greatest hits, including C is for Cookie, I Love Trash & Do The Pigeon...(Complete with fantastic pictures of Grover in a Saturday Night Fever disco outfit inside the folding cover.) Amazing.

Now my recent purchase being the Revenge vinyl set. (3Cheers For Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance...on vinyl.)
Oh. my. gosh.

( fuckin' red record, hand gun stencil, sticker, lyric sheet= love)

Firstly, there's was a wicked awesome sale going on at the online store that I couldn't NOT take advantage of...I bought some shirts that I'd been eye-ing for a bit. (no, not the Mikey Fuckin' Way one, I wanted to, but I had told myself I was only going to buy two, and "From The Wreckage We Rise" won out over it.)

I saw the vinyl and I could not pass it up. And then when it actually got here?
My god, it's beautiful. (Transparent red disk, whoa.)
It's beautiful and it sounds SO fuckin' amazing.

I'm not really a fan girling *squee* kinda girl. (Gabe Saporta being the exception.) But seriously, when I turned on this record it was only failed attempts not to talk ecstatically with lots of hand gestures from then on out.

Favorite purchase in quite a while.
My god..it's beautiful.

<3

Playboy Pinball? My kind of era!

2009-04-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

On a brighter note, I stumbled across these treasures a few weeks ago.
Old Playboy pinball machines...I laughed, took a picture and then realized that I REALLY wanted one.

Also by it were 2 other pinball machines, from the 60's/70's I'm guessing.
One with the same sort of Playboy theme and the other was Mr. Fantastic's Roller Derby.
A very 70's, Richard Simmons on rollerskates-esq pinball game.
Very scary, but also undeniably amazing.
<3

Epic Fail.

2009-04-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

Documents that won't open.
Its my own fault for the constant paranoia...
& the way I jealously guard my writing.
Now for some reason my password to open my documents isn't working.
I'm not as upset as I would be if I had LOST all my writing,
But not being able to access it is still pretty shitty.

This has really just made my bad day worse.

Never felt so tired, never been more awake.

2009-04-14T04:57:00.000-07:00

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,

Never sleep before 3am.
Never rested no matter the time
I used to write about deadly insomnia
Something that gets to you psychologically
Something that won't leave you alone.
I never sleep these days
I close my eyes and dream
The dreams I have I can't wake up from...

So it makes closing my eyes somewhat of a fear
Who knows what my mind will conjure up next?
Who knows what I'll be stuck with for the next 4 hours?
I never dream for more than 4 hours.
I don't consider it sleep.
It's not even rest.
It's just a way to not go insane with restlessness.
Constant yawning and a sore neck
Then hours left to myself leaves my mind to random subjects
I'm already pretty pissed because of sleeplessness,
So the constant mind topic is annoyance.
What annoys me?

I find when I can't sleep basically everything annoys me.
Annoyance quickly turns to hate
& before I know it I hate...
Vloggers
Roses of any kind
Those stupid headbands the hipsters wear
Faulty Microwaves
Boys who drive trucks (it's just stupid.)
Battling intellectuals
All college students
People with Car insurance...

I'm not a very rational person when I'm sleep deprived.
Which is why I really really really need to sleep.
Because right now...
I hate the whole fucking world and the Pope too.

Thirty too good to be true

2009-04-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

I thought since I've been spending most of my time lately plucking at my guitars and stealing my sisters bass that I'd blog about music a bit.

Well, that and these days My Chemical Romance has been on my mind. (New album soon! FTW!)

(And what better day to blog about them than on Gerard Way's 32nd birthday? Happy Birthday to him!)

Today I dug through my music files and found their first album...
I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. My favorite album out of the 3.
"Headfirst For Halo's" is awesome, but really, it doesn't matter how many times I've heard "Demolition Lovers", I can always hit replay and listen to it again.

Musically, the talent is amazing. I can never hear the opening to "Thank You For The Venom" without want to grab my guitar and just slam on it. And when it come to "Famous Last Words"? There aren't words for the greatness of that song.

It's not just the music with these guys though...They really do care about the people who like their music. Sure, I get a little annoyed when my Twitter home page is flooded by Mikey & Gerard's & the other guys @replies. But then I have to think, just how many major bands out there take the time to talk to or pay attention to their fans? How many answer questions or give out advice? How many just comment back because they read your shit & think it's funny?

Not many.

Hands down, this is my favorite band, over everything else. I used to not tell people that...they'd ask me for a favorite band and I'd name off another, something I was willing to share, because the music was just that personal to me.

It's hard to find words to express just how much their music has become a part of my life...just how much it effected me in the 15-16-17 stage when I was going through shit and needed an outlet for my emotions. Just how much it challenged me to look further, to hang in there, to write better, to seek new interests and to branch out musically myself.

(Music aside the guys themselves are quite the characters, into video games, some of them fanatically so, comics, movies, music, action figures & their tastes ranging drastically. It makes their blog pretty amusing and often enlightening, and their twitters of random pictures from 80's movies and the going ons in the studio hilarious.)

Now I just encourage people to go check them out, listen to the music, read the blog posts because there's some pretty good shit there, and just see what you take away from it.

Good shit here.

Life line; Part one.

2009-04-06T18:11:00.001-07:00

Twitter is currently down for unscheduled maintenance.
We expect to be back in an hour.
Thanks for your patience.

For Serious?
*dies*

How hard is it really to wait an hour?
Just one...
(Excruciatingly hard.)

At first, the Ice Cream Cone is cute...
& that inch worm looks like he could be a funny guy.

Tap your foot some more
Refresh the page.
Check the clock...
7 minutes.

Not possible.
You're really not that addicted that you've already broken into a sweat after 7 minutes of Twitter being down.
Not. Possible.
That would take a half hour at least...

Check the clock.
Refresh.
12 minutes.
oh god...

It's that Ice Cream...
He's in it with the Inchworm...
They're keeping Twitter from you!

Then, just as you're about to wage war on those two sneaky bastards...
Refresh.
Back online.
Wha--?

Don't ask.
Don't argue.
Take it for what it is.
in 140 character or less.

*Thank God it wasn't an hour.*

Vermont: The sights & sandwiches...

2009-04-06T00:36:00.000-07:00

Vermont is a funny sort of place...
There's a little bit of everything all run by the same sort of hippie, anti-war esq people.
I loved this banner.

A bit more creative than the Tibetan prayer flags you see strung up on porches.

I swear to you, this sandwich was a large as my head.
I ate only half of it for lunch, and it was amazing.

(so. good.)

A beautiful desolate type of place...
A damn in Middlebury, quite the sight.

I loved it so much.

(P.S. Eek, pictures are small, click on them to see them larger!)

Palm Sunday and those darn baptists...

2009-04-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

So it's Palm Sunday.
The Sunday before Easter.
My favorite Sunday of the year...

This Morning's Palm Sunday Service.

My family and I woke up early and left the house 15 minutes late to get to church (Isn't that always the way?) It's been a while since I've been to Church with them so I was definitely looking forward to having someone to goof off with when the service got boring...

Not to piss anyone off, but the Baptists just don't know how to do it...not the palms, not the service without a million and seven bible verses. I felt like I was in some sort of classroom, I was being educated, worse yet, educated with background music from Charlotte's Web.

Sadly, no amazing hymns, just ones that sounded like circus music.

It wasn't really bad till they got to the middle of the sermon and decided they needed to talk about the crucifixion. How people were crucified and just awful it really is. It was just as I was getting ready to cover my ears and run, my little sister tugged on my sleeve and asked me to take her out to the hall because she was feeling sick. She made it out to the hall, me asking if she was going to be okay, her saying no, and then she fainted.

Just fainted.

She just fucking collapsed. Right there. On the floor.

A 12 year old is only heft-able if they're cooperating, one that's passed out cold is somehow equal to a 100LB sand bag.

First I was shocked, I managed to get her over to a bench and lay her down on it, then I sent Josh(who was feeling sick as well.) for our dad. (Dad to the rescue!)

Then, I was kinda of pissed, what the heck is with this pastor that he thinks he needs to say these things in Church? Spasms and bleeding arteries? They're damn lucky it wasn't my mother on the floor. Had it just been a mention I wouldn't have flinched, but no, this was a good 10 minutes in vivid detail of just how much pain a body being crucified went though. (Thanks so much for the warning in advance.)

I ran to the downstairs of the Church and asked a lady for a cup of water, she seemed utterly unfazed when I answered her question as to what happened. (Maybe kids faint every palm Sunday at this Church?) And by the time I got back upstairs my little sister was laying on the bench, my parents by her, white as a ghost and pretty much unable to talk.

We got her out of there and she's fine now.
She did ask on the way to the car "Where were the palm crosses?"
That made me laugh, poor kid.

The real truth of the matter is that it's Palm Sunday, and the service they gave was a Good Friday service. (Last supper, crucifixion.) The Baptists in Vermont are obviously missing a few days on their religious calendar. And quite a few Palm trees as well.

Normally, Palm Sunday is an awesome Sunday.

Even as a kid it was one of my favorite Sundays because on the way into Church they hand you either a palm branch, or a cross made of a palm branch. It's like a little hand out, something you get to take home...

When I was 13-14 and working in the Church I got to help prepare for the Palm Sunday service, complete with making palm branch crosses. Where I learned that the left over crosses are kept till the following year and then burned, their ashes are then used to mark crosses on the foreheads of church goers that are blessed on Ash Wednesday. (I wanted to be a priest okay? This was some extremely cool stuff.)

What I really liked best was the atmosphere, everyone's happy, smiling, waving, greeting.
And the service is all about how Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey and people shouted "Hosanna in the highest!" It's just plain cool.

(Then there's the legendary Palm Sunday when I was 6, and our dad's brush fire got away from him and burnt up the entire front acreage of our former farm. Interrupting the fireman's annual pancake breakfast so they could come put it out. We haven't let him forget it yet. No matches are allowed today.)

Next Palm Sunday I'm going to go to a church that knows what the date is.
A day for praise, a day for palms.
Then the following Friday (if I choose to) I'll attend the Good Friday service.

17 Without A Purpose Or Direction...

2009-04-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

It's April 4th.
My little sister, Madeleine, is 17 today.
We rang it in last night with some Blink 182.

Today's line from her is "It's not your birthday!"

I'm really unimaginably proud of her for making it to 17...
There's been some rocky teenage years.

I thought I'd put these here since they're really some of the better stories...
This is something to remember.

Some things about Maddy...
She's an amazing musician.
Keyboard, Violin, Bass & some guitar. It's a gift.
She's an amazing Christian - Wish I had her knowledge & conviction.
She wants to work with autistic kids & do music therapy.
She's a hell raiser. You cross her and you'll KNOW it.
She's an amazing writer.
She's an amazing photographer.
&& I love her.

Maddy @ age 2 bit my hip so hard after I took her blocks that I bled & still have the scar.

Maddy@ age 14 refused to have her blood drawn till our parents bought her a bass guitar. That's when she became a bassist.

Maddy @ 16 snuck into the mean neighbors pool with me one night last summer when it was raining. We swam & ran.

Maddy @ 16 ran around the front yard with me half undressed in the dead of night. I dodged the bush. She didn't. We WERE sober. XD

Maddy @ age 15. Some kid calls me a faggot-bitch and before I know it her fist is connecting with his face.

Maddy is still the only person who can get away with laughing during one of my dad's lectures. Not even he wants to mess with her.

Maddy @ age 4 clipped the toes off my favorite barbie with toenail clippers. I was PISSED. I was also only 6 so I couldn't cuss her out.

Maddy is sitting next to me. She's not happy with the reminiscing. XD @ age 16 she made up a dance to go with Brokeback Mountain. AMAZING.

Maddy @ 16 on the sidewalk "We're Gabilliam mother fuckers!!!" *Mothers with strollers dash out of the way*

Maddy @ 5 got caught into the peanut butter & told my mother that her & I had traded lips so I was the one who should go into time out.

Maddy @ 14 puked on my portable CD player...I haven't gotten a replacement one yet. I did laugh though.

Maddy @ 14 filled our brother in law's new leather shoes with apple juice & left them outside to freeze.

Maddy @ 16 braved hurricane Ike with me in Texas. We didn't set anything on fire. She did save us by finding the only ice around.

She's my little sister.
Life has been good to me.

Perfect Day: Vermont.

2009-04-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

Usually this isn't a 'here's what's going on in my life' sort of blog.

I use my LiveJournal for that.
It's also not a 'just saying that...' sort of blog.
I use my Twitter for that
Indeed, it's not a 'I can't believe you idiots...!' type of deal either
That's what my MySpace is for.

So no, this is something completely different.
Yet I can't resist listing today's outdoor activities with the kids.

Firstly, I don't live at home anymore.
I moved away the 1st of January and hadn't seen my parents or 4 younger siblings in 3 months. I came home for a visit & so far it's turned out to be the best thing I could have done for myself. For mind, body & soul, there's no place like home, and nothing like family...

Today

Slept in.
Woke up to breakfast in bed
(Milk & Cheerio's on a cookie tin tray, compliments of my baby brother.)
Found out that breakfast in bed was just his way of bribing me to go play outside with him.
Played out side with sidewalk chalk.
Incredibly long hopscotch boards and our matching clouds.

(mine:)

(Josh's:)

Played 'Mother, May I?' with some inventive new moves
(Mr. Hobbs Steps & Professor Steps)
Took a hike with the girls and both dogs up the hill & into the field.
*there are a million baby spider throughout the grass, it's scary.*
Explored the lower levels of the barns.
Raced to the end of the road and back.
Made a picnic & ate on the porch outside.
Went down to the river, skipped rocks & found river glass.
Unloaded the animals from the trailer when our parents got home.
Tried to entice Buckley(The Llama) to eat a few Ginger Snaps to make him feel more at home.
We find out that the sheep are, in fact, pregnant.

Get the stalls set up & separate the very pregnant sheep from the just maybe pregnant ones.
We spin around in circles outside the lower barn.
Then we rescue one of our cats from a tree.

Productive. To say the least.
& Explains why I fell asleep right after dinner.
*Salad & Spaghetti w/sauteed vegetables & red sauce...all my family ever seems to eat. I've missed it.*

After dinner we check on the sheep...
They're even more pregnant than we thought.

So we once again separate the very pregnant sheep from the about-to-pop sheep.

My mom goes and checks on them every two hours.
She can't stop smiling.

On A Side Note: My mom has wanted to live on a farm in Vermont and have animals for 25 years now. Her dream is coming true, starting with the very perfect farm she searched for for the last 20 years & now having 13 sheep and 1 Llama set up in the barns.
She's the happiest I've ever seen her, and to me, that's just so cool.

Needless to say, ending the day lounging on my parents bed watching Blackbeards Ghost with the kids & eating giant smarties, was pretty perfect.

Pretty damn perfect.

Gamers For Austin!

2009-04-01T14:09:00.000-07:00

So what if I can't play video games worth shit?

It's not for lack of trying...
Okay, well maybe it is a little, it's really just me trying...
Failing...
Getting fed up...

Trying again...
Failing again...
& quitting.

But even the most inept in the virtual entertainment world of gamers cannot possibly walk in to Arcade UFO without having a fascinated appreciation for the place.

Set on an off road in the city of Austin this place is a goldmine.
Sega games and Street Fighter 4 games Galore!

As well as the typical anime fighting games

My personal favorite was the Mobile Suit Gundam Seed game...
I used to read the manga a few years back so I sort of knew what was going on.
Of course it was all in Japanese to you had to guess at what you were supposed to be doing, what the controls were and who you were fighting.

(On a geek note: the graphics were insane and they had the actual chracters you could pick out separately from the suit. Amazing. The coolest part was the music though. You're blowing shit up and the music, it's got to be surround sound or something, is haunting and fast.
The arcade around you is basically just a blending of "Hi!" "Hiyah!" and "K.O.!"and then some muted punching/kicking/slamming noises, so the music was something different.)

(Scott Horn kicking ass in SF 4)

^ I'm not really qualified to take much note on the wall of Street Fighter games
Except to add that the only thing I know about any of this I learned from watching my older brother play Street Fighter 2 at the skating rink when I was 4.
I absolutely suck at Mortal Combat, SF, and the other fighting games as well.
I cringe too much.
But for some reason I will always always watch people play them.
If not my older brother, then my sister's boyfriend, or my own friends.

^I really was most amused by the SEGA games.
The Anime princesses and Tetris.
(Which my sister kicked my butt at...Tetris, she's the top 3 ranking score.)
We got to UFO just as it was opening so we had the place to ourselves for a good 15 minutes.

A GREAT place.
If you ever find yourself in Austin, this is where it's at.
(All these photo's were taken on my cell, sorry for the iffy quality.)

Bathroom Graffiti: Virginia

2009-03-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

I once made a road trip with my family and marked every bathroom along the way with my "Volkovoy" tag.
Complete with wolf head to match it.
(What can I say? I was a fan of Solzhenitsyn.)
But so far on this trip this is the only bathroom graff worthy of note.

So good.

Unsuspecting Ankles: Parts 1 & 2 - Airplanes

2009-03-28T02:23:00.000-07:00

Oh the joys of a camera phone...
I like taking pictures of unsuspecting ankles.

(Feb. 8th, 2009 - Norfolk to Nashville)

These skinny, rather womanly ones were on a plane 35,000 ft. over Virgina.
They belonged to a guy who was reading a worn & poorly photocopied book of guitar theory.
I was jealous of his socks blatant metrosexuality.

(March, 27th, 2009 - Houston to Nashville)

These ordinary ankles belong to a narcaleptic with a skin condition.
25, 000ft. over Texas.
While they're average enough his bright blue & green John 3:16 neck tie was not.
I wish I had his courage.

Crayola means never leaving your childhood behind...

2009-03-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

I had a blast with these things today.

So what if you aren't cool? With these colors...you can do anything.

Crayola is the scraps of crayon labels in your pockets and the reason you're in the corner taking time out.
(Mom told you and told you not to write on the walls, but seeing that deep purple against the vast white was just too strong of a pull.)

Crayola means never having to grow up.
Crayola makes stick figures okay.
Crayola leaves you with an obsession for color.
Crayola just makes life better.

'Cause You...You Are So Cool.

2009-03-25T04:34:00.000-07:00

No matter what car you drive
Who you know
What you wear
The brand of beer you drink
The music you listen to
The places you shop
The number of friends on your MySpace page...

You will never be cool.

So why are you still trying?

Life is much easier to live with once you realize this.

Once you stop wishing that people thought you were cool, once you stop trying to be cool, a whole new world opens up to you.

You can have your own style instead of trying to appeal to that certain crowd or coolness that you long to fit into.

The geek cool that knows and owns and can pwn your ass at all the old/new/rare/cool games ever invented.
The indie cool who's pins, tshirts, beat up sneakers and fedora's are cooler than yours, and who's favorite bands are always so obscure you begin to wonder if they've just started making this shit up. (They have.)
The hipster cool with the coffee obsession, favorite books that are boring as hell but you pretend to find interesting and that thin cutely colored ribon or strip of suede they tie around their head...(the purpose and reason for that is still unknown.)
The emo cool with the $60 haircut (always dyed black. The color of their souls.) hidden razorblades galore, the blackest, smoothest eyeliner, and the ability to cry at the drop of a hat (You really are jealous of that. Don't lie.)
The scene kid cool who know's all the random exclamation point bands, has skinny jeans in 14 different colors, an iPod hooked in like an IV, and never sweats at concerts even with all those layered tanks.

Those are them, the five major groups of 'cool kids'....

I can't say that the fact you'll never be cool is a very fun thing to realize, but it's not like admitting defeat and living life as the underdog, the lesser, or the nerd...not at all.

You can think, say, eat, wear, drive, and listen to whatever you want to. Whatever it is YOU like. The scary moment is when you stop following these trends and stop trying to be cool...you have no idea what it is you actually DO like. All that stuff before, was it you or just the scene talking?

Realize, (Because who's life are you wasting?)
Reevaluate (Because you're starting to annoy the shit out of me.)
Rediscover (Because sometimes I look at you and see a furry white rodent.)
Your own personality. (And i'd really hate to see you run off a cliff with all the other lemmings.)

ily. but (You're still not cool.)

Week in Austin, just a blurb before the real deal.

2009-03-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

I just spent 3 days in Austin, Texas...It has to be my absolute favorite place in the USA.

There's a crazy amount of shit to blog about...so I'll start out small, with a just a short gripe, and then get on to posting the actual info/cool pictures/secret locations as I have time.

Got to Austin night of the 23rd, SWXS ended the 23rd. You know what that meant? It meant no SXSW for Emery.

It wasn't a huge deal considering out of all the bands that were playing I like maybe 10. And out of those 10 there was only one that I would kill to see. That would be The Used. (They played a free show at Emo's on the 22nd, then dashed off to San Antonio.)

I'm not sure who I should hate for this...maybe just fate that I CAN NEVER BE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME.

I'll have another instance of this in a few days when I head to Vermont for a week or so to see my family and find myself in Knoxville , Tennessee just 2 days too early for TAI's acoustic show.

Then I'll be in Vermont missing Cobra Starship play in Houston, because I ALWAYS MANAGE TO BE IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME. (Okay, I'll be missing my niece's 3rd birthday as well, I have to be a little upset about that too...)

So who is it I gripe to about this?
I want to speak to the person in charge...tell them that their timing sucks...and to hook me up with some tickets, please.

Stupid Teenagers Need To Die...

2009-03-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

If more people were like this guy I'd feel a whole lot more love towards the world.

If more people were like this guy there'd be less superficial scene kids...less Abercombie girls, and probably a lot more lung cancer.

Have you ever passed up a chance to go to the movies or buy a few badly needed shirts at the mall just to avoid the teenagers?

Not because you're scared but because they manage to annoy the living shit out of you just by breathing, existing? There's something in your brain that just makes you want to choke them?

And it's really just frustrating as hell considering you can't.

That wasn't really the point of this entry, but it came to mind when I was searching the web for this picture and my screen got flooded with these stupid 16 year old MySpacers and their whore photos and matching lip rings. So I decided to share the frustration, and while Oliver Sykes, from the hardcore band Bring Me The Horizon, is fucking gorgeous, he's really just created more of a mass following for these stupid kids that want to match him. Therefore he's the first that needs to go...

It's really something when you literally can have 10-20 boys in one room and not be abe to tell any of them apart because they all look nearly identical. (Yet they're all feircly posessive about their individuality...pfft, riiiiiight.)

I didn't want to make this an "I Hate Teenagers" post but that's just the way it is. I don't know if I can really even say that considering I, myself, am nineteen. So maybe my well deserved annoyance should go out to high schoolers...since, thankfully, that is something I am not.

So these past few weeks I've been looking for a worthy movement to start or get involved in...I'm thinking this could be it. This could go in a few different directions though..."Make Teenagers More Like Bert McCracken And Let Them Live." Or more towards the "Stupid Teenagers Need To Die." direction.

Ahh, decisions, decisions...

For those of us who didn't go to 'real school'

2009-03-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

Another video.
This one I can relate to on so many levels and it's my favorite WKUK to date.

Honestly, it's almost impossible to punish a teenager who stays home all day.
-_- Which suddenly makes me very sory for all the shit I put my mom through...

Book To Film To DVD: Let The Right One In

2009-03-18T23:51:00.001-07:00

*BEFORE NOTE:::THIS POST IS ABOUT VAMPIRES BUT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DO TO WITH AND IS IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH TWILIGHT. THANK YOU.*

Let The Right One In...

I first heard about this movie over Christmas when I was in Vermont. Please notice that in the title I called it a film not a movie, hence Vermont being the perfect place for me to discover it.

Well, firstly because Vermont is filled with hippies, filmmakers, hippie filmmakers and a whole bunch of nudist Buddhists.

Secondly, they just so happen to praise anything and everything that could possibly fall into the 'indie' 'hipster' and 'bazaar' category. (Did I mention that all of these nudest Buddhists and the rest of them are review happy?)

& Thirdly, while their review excited me, I was able to push it out of my mind for a few months till it came out on DVD and I was able to view it. Seeing as most of the films in the film festivals they praise so highly are bazaar, randomly disjointed, and more often then not, depressing as hell.

So writing it off as another film festival horror story saved me weeks of agony and frustration at not living anywhere near one of those 'select theaters' that no one ever has the privilege of living near.

But damn, this was an awesome movie. The greyness of the scenes made it feel as dirty as life is.

The boy is this incredibly cute blond kid who does a fantastic being complex and accepting, the girl is equally incredible, and for some reason, blood just looks like it's meant to be on her face.

There's this one part where the dude who kills people and drains their blood for the girl to drink dumps acid on his face and you can see through his cheek, it was gross but fascinating. There's a lot of silences in this film, it's very visual but that's part of what makes it great.

The only way to watch this is in the native language (Swedish) with English subtitles, because the English dubbing is just awful. It sounds like it's a pain but it's easy to get into and well worth the effort.

I haven't read the book yet, but maybe you can guess what I'll be buying on my next trip to the bookstore.

"To flee is life, to linger, death”

For the gamers out there...

2009-03-18T14:50:00.000-07:00

The Whitest Kids U' Know...

I love this comedy group, they have three seasons of their TV show and also do live performances.
While some of the humor is gross, their other videos make me XD like never before.

Once again, I love YouTube.

"I wasn't even there!"

More Memories Of Emery (Demo Version)

2009-03-17T12:47:00.001-07:00

Going through the media files on my laptop I came across an age old folder that was just packed to the gills of all the music I listened to as an angsty 15-16 year old.

Somewhere in between Death Cab For Cutie and Hurt was my former 'favorite band of all time'...Hawthorne Heights. It wasn't until I clicked on the folder and Life On Standby started to play that I remembered just how much this music effected me. Just how much I loved it, lived for it, survived by it. (15 was a pretty dramatic age, okay?)

I remembered all the night drives home from Concord, rotating the batteries in my portable cd player in order to get in just one more song before it died. (A freaky universe thing is how Mark Hoppus discribes that little battery trick.) Speeding Up The Octaves always came on just as we hit Newport, the next town over from ours. I'd listen to it twice before my batteries were dead and we were just a few minutes from home.

Just light the match and run
Run from all those times
She poured gasoline, by fires light she cried

With Hawthorne Heights I found a new appreciation for music, a different sound. There was that guttral yelling that followed along with lyrics, the almost scream, that pulled you in. Casey Calvert sang those lines as well as taking care of half of the guitar parts, He was someone I looked up to with a crazy amount of admiration.

I learned the song Decembers on my guitar, and attempted Ohio Is For Lovers and Nikki FM as best as I could (Nikki Fm, an absolute favorite, the guitars, the vocals and the tribute to the 1980's John Cusack movie Say Anything. Perfect.) Me and my sister would go up into the woods behind our house, she'd take Casey's parts while I sang the main verses...She was actually very good at it.

I know what scares you the most.
Being Alone,
Just like them,
Being Alive,
Feeling so dead.

Sitting on the couch, Casey's and J.T.'s voices in my ears, I tried to remember why I put away my cd's and moved on from my 'all time favorite band'... they have a new album out now...why haven't I bought it? Then I remembered, Casey died. November 2007. It was labeled as an overdose by some, but it was really his medications conflicting. Anti-depressants, pain killers and the anti-anxiety medication that I was taking at the time as well. He was 26.

You know you do
You kill me well
You like it too
I can tell
You never stop until
My final breath is gone.

I put up my music and haven't listened to Hawthorne Heights since. I've heard that they didn't replace Casey, that their music is a bit more mellow...I went to their MySpace today just to hear it. I only got half way through the first song before deciding that like most things, it's best left in the past. The depression that the music got me through as well as the music it's self.

That said, I hope that someone who hasn't listened to Hawthorne Heights before gives it a try and discovers the same thing I did back then.
What that was, you have to find for yourself.

As days go by the memories remain
I'll wait for you
As days go by the memories remain
I won't let go

My Next Purchase

2009-03-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

Macbeth's "Fuck Cancer" shoes, designed by the one and only Frank Iero in league with the Syrentha Savio Endowment (SSE) Charity.

You can find them here, at Loserkids.com, for $59.99.
The black ones are tagged as "Cancer Fighter"...

(On a side note, with every Macbeth purchase you make you will receive a copy of LeATHERMOUTH's CD "XO". I already have the cd, considering I pre-ordered it in January and have enjoyed the harsh sound and amazing words frequently over the last two months. If this isn't motivation to spend money at Macbeth buying shoes/shirts and skate paraphanelia then I don't know what is!)

Kudos To Distraction...

2009-03-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

Following up on last nights comment...

This needs to be watched at least 4 or 5 times before you start to wonder why you're laughing so hard.

Or maybe it's just me.

YouTube is the best.

At The Movies: Liam Neeson in Taken.

2009-03-16T00:04:00.001-07:00

A bad ass father hunts down and kills the foreign trafficking scum that kidnapped his daughter.

Best. Movie. Ever.

Go see it if you haven't already. There was just the right amount of violence, just the right amount of emotion.(and all the right people getting killed.)

Liam Neeson's character was so convincing that as the credits appeared on the screen I wanted to whip out my phone and call my own bad ass dad just to tell him...well, to tell him I appreciate the fact that he'd go to the same lengths to save me.

Favorite moment: The airport guy gets hit by a truck.
People getting hit by cars never ceases to make me throw my fist in the air and shout a triumphant "Yes!!!" while laughing my head off....I have no idea why.

It's like people walking into doorways and windows....
It's just funny.
It's just awesome...much like this movie...which you should get up and go see.
Right now.

I would make a very good drug addict...

2009-03-15T08:12:00.001-07:00

Caffeine makes me feel like an artificial superhero.
I can feel the it entering my veins, giving me new strength...

If Coffee isn't available then I suggest Tylenol with added caffeine.
If Coffee IS available, I suggest you take them together.

Princesse Peach, FTW!

2009-03-14T02:02:00.000-07:00

This game hates me.
Yes, especially the Nintendo edition.

There was pushing, shoving, smacking, swearing and paper money being thrown. Yet, I still didn't win.

It's a sort of tradition in my family to play this on Christmas morning...after the presents have been opened and the new Lego sets and kitchen sets have been played with we all sit down to monopoly. Usually it's as many people was we can surrounding the board. Usually there's people playing favorites and money trading hands and people smacking the floor when someone got to Park Place before them. Usually it's one of the most fantastic family times we have all year...

We played this tonight with some friends, around a table (a foreign notion to me, we usually play on the living room rug. Spralled out and comfortable so that the game is free to last for hours.)

It was a good game, I started out strong and was fairly confident about this one...but no...as soon as the invincibility went up on Mario and Luigi (i.e. Boardwalk and Park Place) I was a goner.

Have I mentioned that not once have I ever won a freaking game of monopoly??

While it was still a losing game at least it was lost with a bit more interest than all the others... instead of calling out someone for landing on Pennsylvania Ave. You're calling them out for Link and Gannon and quite frankly, even if you're not a gamer. It was pretty cool.

(Yet I do wonder why 'jail' and 'free parking' were the same..shouldn't they at least be 'prision' and 'safe haven' or something? There was also unimaginable disappointment to have these uber cool properties only to put plain ordinary 'houses' and 'hotels' on them...they could have been cool stars or coupas or something. C'mon Hasboro! Imagination!)

Over all, I have skattered thoughts about this game and this night.
It comes down to the fact that I suck at monopoly...but I always play it anyways.
And that losing to someone who is a Donkey Kong Barrels is a whole lot cooler than losing to a stupid ship.

Music My Little Brother Loves: Part 1

2009-03-11T00:11:00.000-07:00

I love music...all different kinds...
I love old music especially.
I love Nat King Cole and Louis Armstrong, Johnny Cash and Elvis, I love The Temptations and The Beach Boys. I love that one song...I'm not sure who it's by but it goes

Sugar pie, honey bunch.
Baby I love you,
I can't help myself,
I love you and no body else.

At least I think those are the lyrics, I'm not 100% sure, all I know is that when that song comes on all I can think of is my baby brother sliding through the kitchen in his socks, singing at the top of his lungs. Ba-dah-da-da!!

Okay, he's not that much of a baby, he's 9 now. So grown up. Sometimes while me and him are in the car we'll listen to the radio together. Sometimes my mom's and dad's song comes on and he'll freeze in recognition before starting to loudly sing along...

You are the love of my life
You are my inspiration
Just you and me
Simple and free
Girl you are everything I've ever dreamed of...

He swears that he's going to play that song at his wedding. I just laugh because my little brother is singing along to Chicago and absolutely loving it...

I love my little brothers enthusiasm for music, as well as his tastes. If he's singing it, then it's good. It's probably old and quirky, it's probably classic, or about to become a classic. It's just the way loving music should be.

His other old favorites are Billy Idol's "Still Rock & Roll To Me" (something he picked up out of a jukebox in a real estate office in Ohio a few summers ago.) and "Surfer Girl" by The Beach Boys (He heard it was a favorite of our mom's when she was a teenager, and once curious, he had to listen and love it too.)

About a week before I left home the kids were all in my room hanging out and just talking. Josh was going through my stuff as usual, looking for cool things to add to his knowledge. He loved to go through my books periodically just to see if there was anything that looked cool and was good enough for him to read...

"Hey Em, what's this book?"
"That's The Godfather, Josh, you're not quite old enough for it yet."
"Oh, is there lots of graphic parts?"
"Yeah, it's not really for kids..."
"Okay, so I can maybe read it when I'm 10?"
"Uhmm, probably a little older."
"How about 12?"

He came across my Billy Idol cassette tape, the old MTV one with the interview on it from the 1970's, shocked and appalled that I would keep such a treasure from him he ran over to the boom box and stuffed in side A, clicking play.

The dancing that ensued as soon as the guitar kicked in for Dancing With Myself was crazy and wild and by far one of the favorite memories I have with my siblings. The song feels a whole lot longer than 3 minutes and 15 seconds when your goal is to stay standing till the end of it. With the way the mini mosh pit was going it was an unrealistic goal...

Coincidentally, when I moved away I left the tape for Josh, any kid who enjoys Billy Idol that much needs a cassette. Just like anyone who enjoys Bing Crosby needs some vinyl and a good 12" soundtrack of White Christmas. It's pretty much essential.

(Psst, Bing Crosby is awesome by the way.)

Seeing as it's late, I'll finish this post some other time, but I leave you the open invitation to fall asleep to "Helplessly Hoping" by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

Childhood At It's Best...

2009-03-10T22:08:00.001-07:00

Is there really anything better than Big Bird, Grover, Maria and Chevy Chase?

I loved this movie was a kid, almost as much as Big Bird Goes To The Hospital and 101 Dalmatians.

Now I watch my 2 year old niece sit mesmerized at Oscar sing the grouch anthem (a song that needs to be sung whenever possible, where ever possible.)

Chevy Chase as the news man, John Candy as the police man, and Gordon just as himself...

Sesame Street of the 70's...does it get any better?

Then the sickness surrounded them...

2009-03-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

I've caught bronchitisflu the plague.

It gives you that dizzy weak headache feeling, I would imagine like a very bad kind of drunkenness.

I've never minded having a fever before now, I was a very weird kid in the fact that I could always tell when I had a fever.
I'd run to my mom and say "I have a feber mommy, check my head?" My mom would smile at the lack of my pronounced V's and press her hand to my forehead, then as she felt that irregular heat confusion would come into her eyes and she'd press her cheek to my forehead and check my back just to be sure.

My mom would make a bed for me on the living room couch, and give me light pink chewable Tylenol and a little bit of ginger ale. Turning off the light so the room was a relaxing gray, I'd try to stay awake as Pongo met Perdita and Jasper and Horace bumbled around annoying the shit out of Cruella.

Now, I still have a make shift bed on the couch where I sip ginger ale and pretend that I only turned on 101 Dalmatians just for my 2 year old niece.
(Because how much fun can you really have when your bubby is sick?)

I want nothing more than for my mom to be touching my face with that worried expression, to be taking care of me since I'm sick, to tell me I'm going to be okay.

It's really now that I realize two things....

It's really the little things in life that mean the most.

And...being a grown up really really sucks.

Then The Sickness Surrounded Them...
And all hope was lost.